the 'simple' life......

I'm sure I've blogged about this before but it seems to be something that is calling to be written about again. At least in my world right now it seems that way. I'm not writing out of a great need to put this into type on the computer as we sometimes need to do when we journal per se, but instead it seems to be resonating with me in a great manner lately. For myself the 'simple life' is something that I have been moving and working towards for a long, long time for many reasons. My life in the past was filled with being a single parent with lots of demands on myself and often by my own doing. This created a life which was fraught with overachieving efforts, a far too busy life day to day and large levels of stress. Did I say large?? Well, that would be more like HUGE. Sad to say (or rather 'thank goodness') my physical life began to deteriorate and I was bordering on chronic illness according to my naturopath. Funny how it occurs to me now that if I was seeing a naturopath that I did at least hold some regard for my health and welfare, but obviously not quite enough. My biggest problem was in fact my own ego and the thought process that I in fact would be someone who could live this hectic lifestyle and not be affected by it. I was sorely wrong about this. I remember sitting in her office and hearing her say those words that rang in my ears and knowing right then and there that I needed to make changes in my life. I had told myself this all before but this time was the clincher....there were going to be no more chances. It was time.

So the 'simple life' came into effect and I can say that it is something that I work on each and every day. My biggest issue was that I was in fact addicted to my former lifestyle. Yes, addicted. It's not just a matter one day of waking up and deciding to change the entire way you live your life. You have habits and patterns that reside deep inside of your being. It is almost like having to extract or remove these characteristics from who you are. An extraction might have been easier in fact. Quick and effortless and then life would be good right? No it's never that easy. I needed to change and of course we all know that change is something that we often resist or can find hard to accept. The 'old' me thrived on my previous lifestyle and somehow received silent accolades from the part of me that resonated with these now all knowing poor lifestyle choices. Yes, it's that inner rush you get from doing the impossible and yet there you stand having done it. Never looking at the damage you are doing, but just reveling in the moment. How filled with ego is it when you think that you and only you will be able to live this kind of life and get away with it not affecting you? Now, there may be others who can live this kind of life and it doesn't affect them in an ill manner, but I will predict that they have something in their life that helps to balance all of it. I didn't. Mine was all one-sided and ready to tip over.

So 'simple' for me remains to be a challenge each and every day. It may sound silly but I need to remember things such as making the effort to speak, walk and even look more slowly. I try to 'think' less quickly in terms of really understanding that which I am trying to process. Being in the present moment is one that I really enjoy in terms of where I am and what is happening right then and there. I make sure that I don't overextend myself and like to block time out for just me. I can tell when 'simple' is getting away from me because I will begin to feel irritated and my agitation meter will begin to rise. But that's my signal to slow down so I take stock and sort of rewind. All emotion ends up residing in our body and mine is no different. And of course the emotions that I am concerned about are the negative ones. I have studied the effects of stress for years and am finally applying it to myself. I know that every thought I have and each emotion I feel will express itself in my physical body. So I am the driver of all actions and reactions and am responsible for how this unfolds.

I need to sip a cup of tea and truly enjoy it. I need to look with my eyes and really 'see' all that is around me. I need to speak words and really hear what it is I am saying. I need to be with my family and really be in their presence. I need to go to my job and be able to keep a balance for myself when I am in an environment that is filled with high energies. I must make the right choices if I want to live with good health mentally, physically and spiritually. There is no more time to wait on this one. Each day is a challenge but each day I get better at creating a life that has softer edges and allows me to live 'simply'. For this I am grateful.

I hope your life can be a 'simple' one and that you can look back at the end of each day and be proud of how you chose to 'be' in it.

Namaste...........

Breaking my cycle......

Slow down, let go, ease up, sit back, breathe, relax..........all of these things remind me of what I need to do to make my life one that when I awaken in the morning I will look forward to my day with positivity. I have had all those years of stress and strife and have ultimately come to the point where I can see that much of that came from choices I made and the results spoke for themselves. It's taken me a long time but it has been my personal journey so it unfolded as it was supposed to and many lessons were learned along the way and some lessons I have just realized recently. I believe that each day has a lesson wrapped inside of it if we just take the time to look hard enough to find it. For years it was as if my eyes had a veil over them and I could only see so much and that only allowed me to live a limited life. But then maybe I was only able to handle just that at the time. I know there are things that I can only understand now and I believe that is much due to the fact that I 'get it' because I am looking at it with more maturity than when I was 20, 30 or possibly even 40 and have a multitude of life experiences to draw on. And the irony when I look back is that I thought that I "got it" at all of those ages and was moving through life pretty well. I really never knew there was a better way until I felt such unrest in my life and wasn't going to accept any more of it. I knew that there could be something better and it started a few years ago when I just wanted (and needed) life to be simple. I had managed to complicate it to the point that my health was now not only suffering but on the threshold of chronic illness. If I had continued with the lifestyle that I had chosen the door would open itself and I would have walked into my future of ill health. That was my wake-up call. It was time to step back and take a long, hard look at what I wanted my life to look like. But hadn't I already and for many years known what I wanted my life to look like? I had been saying it to myself for years inside of my head. I just wanted a "peaceful and quiet" life. Nothing big. Just a 'little' life. It was like a mantra in my head all the time. But I wasn't living it or choosing it and now I had been pushed to the edge and it was time to again make a choice.  I was addicted to my own stress and all that went along with it. It was as if  'busyness' was my middle name. How much could I heap on my plate and still perform? When my plate was full I just kept getting a bigger plate. That's easy enough! Little did I know that this was going to catch up to me. But I kept moving forward in this way and I knew nothing else. If felt as though I was at my best living like this and it was my familiarity. I was doing everything within my power to sabotage the existence of my peaceful and quiet life. I was living the exact opposite of what I was repeating in my head. People tried to tell me that I was doing too much and that I needed to slow down but inside I secretly felt proud. My ego was saying that I was going to be different than everyone else and would be able to handle it. I was going to show them all that I could sustain this crazy pace and be just fine. After all we live in a society that applauds extreme productivity and performance. So I figured that the more I could juggle the better I would be and I would be seen as extremely productive and then measure up to something that society decided was acceptable. I have come to understand now that we are actually damaging ourselves with these choices. I know this firsthand......I suffered inside of what I thought was a good thing. I was living a lie. A lie that I had in my head that did stem from my upbringing where only productivity was applauded and I was also told that I would not amount to anything valuable in life. And being a child I could only agree to what I was being presented with because they were in charge and I looked up to them. I carried this into my adult life even when they were no longer in charge of my thoughts and choices. As an adult I interpreted value as 'doing' as much as I could in life at one time and I would be rewarded with acclaim. My lesson to understand this differently has been a long time in coming but I am so thankful that now I truly 'get it'. It took ill health and near chronicity to have me finally understand all of this. I didn't listen to the whispers and then the yelling started. It turned into screaming coming from my body and then I finally listened. I really 'get it' now. Having this understanding has not necessarily meant that I awoke one day and it was all easier and simple. No, it has been a very difficult shift for me. My mind and body were addicted to the pace that is was used to. It had a set point that was very high. Slowly that set point is coming down and it is getting easier though. I am able to catch myself more quickly now when I feel myself sliding back into those bad habits. It is a daily task for me to remember to live life more in an 'easy' way. Life is no longer the emergency that I was letting it be. I now know how 'peace and quiet' feels and I will admit that sometimes it still feels uncomfortable because I was addicted to a hectic lifestyle for so many years. I sometimes have to give myself permission to relax and live easily. I'm getting there though. Living my life the way I had been in the past was very hard work and it felt heavy. Now that weight is gone. I'm so grateful that I learned this lesson when I did. I still have many years ahead of me to enjoy the quiet and peaceful life that I now choose......

Namaste