the '60' lesson.............

I sat quietly several days ago and my mind was simply wandering in many directions and to many places. It then came to stop at a place that for some reason was all about aging. I found myself reflecting on the fact that I was in several years going to be 60 years old. Heaven knows I'm well aware of my age, but this thought process on that particular day felt different. Sixty that day sounded old....simple as that. I felt myself somewhat shiver with the realization that this was going to happen and it wasn't going to be good. How can I stop this? What do I do about this? Are there any choices?? Yikes....I needed to get a handle on this quick or else I felt that there was no point in wanting to even be one day older. Don't get me wrong I wasn't going to get depressed about this, but it also wasn't making me smile with joy. I was secretly hoping that there was maybe another road I could take to avoid this whole thing. Don't we come to the proverbial 'fork' in the road lots of times in our life. Well this time I think I should maybe take the other road. Hmmmm......

So I had to really take a good look at where I'm at in my 55 years here on this planet. Life for me has not been easy, but I obviously chose alot of what happened and the rest came to me for other reasons. I could decide to veer from my current life path but my life right now is good. I have been working on myself for many years and can say that I like who I have become. Others might differ in opinion and that's ok too :). I smile and laugh more than I frown or cry, so I think thats a pretty good thing. What became clear to me is that I need to look at each day carefully and create a day for myself that I can look back on and smile about or at least know that I did my best. I know that some days will be tougher than others, but they can still be dealt with in a way that will be satisfying in the end. I know this isn't rocket science, but I don't think we focus on this much. I think we walk, run or stumble through life without thinking about it too much. Only when something happens do we stop and wonder what's going on as if we are not even connected to it. I need to take ownership for each day and write my own history as beautifully as I can. So here I go on another step in my journey making sure that I take each day and live it well. It kinda sounds like 'living in the moment' doesn't it? Yes, well that's part of it. I guess for me it was just driven home in a big way when the number 60 showed up in my mind. So, that thought process has now become a gift and I am grateful. I won't say 'no thanks, you shouldn't have', because in fact yes it needed to be given to me and I did need to accept it or it would have shown up somehow or somewhere else in my life. Learning the lesson was the easy part. Now I have to apply what I already know and live it........and I think I can do that. I am the author of my own life story.....and each day is a page in my book of life.

Namaste......

"The mind that is wise mourns less for what age takes away; than what it leaves behind"

~

William Wordsworth

who is this woman........

I was finishing up my shift today and looked into the eyes of an elderly woman who was lying quietly in her bed. Our eyes met for a moment and I wondered just what she was thinking. Her steel blue eyes were calm, they were soft and they spoke a silent language that I longed to understand. I wanted to be able to read the words that I felt her eyes were speaking. I wanted to be connected to her thoughts and just what they would be. We had spent the day together as patient and caregiver, but did I even know anything about her as a person? I really only knew her as a name and diagnosis and what I needed to do to care for her. This woman though has a life story and a legacy. My mind drifted to a place where I imagined her as a young girl laughing and playing with  her friends. I'm sure she was once a young woman with hopes and dreams for herself and I couldn't help but wonder what they were. She has a life story, but is now too frail to share it. This woman is not just a patient in a hospital bed, but a woman who has had a life full of experiences and memories. What does she remember as she lies there day in and day out. Does she go back in time and think of all the wonderful times she had in her life?.....or on the contrary are there memories that she would rather not revisit. We are so, so busy in the health profession these days that we most often don't even have time to realize that we are caring for a 'person'.....not a disease or illness. We can't forget that our patients were people once who lived full lives and have a story to tell......whatever it may be. Everyone wants to be acknowledged during their lives and this woman is no different even as she lays in her hospital bed. Her eyes are asking us to see her for what she really is......a woman who lived a life the best way she knew how.........and has now handed over to us the gift of caring for her.
 She still has value......and she still has a life story.......not unlike someday I will have a life story and I would want someone to look into my eyes and wonder what mine was.