love this Arabian proverb.......

"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away"

sugar is my poison......

I have been on a journey of health consciousness for many years. My choice of profession also lends itself to this subject since I am a nurse. I see the effects of ill health each day that I go to work and have chosen to walk a path that will allow me to have a healthy life as best as I am able. Not unlike many, I went through my own years of maybe some not so optimal choices in terms of health and nutrition and also have experienced high levels of stress which is a predominant factor in our health status. (That's a whole other blog post) I have come to recognize for myself what choices I need to make in order to live my best life and feel the best I can. One of the issues I was dealing with on a very large level several years ago was my unending levels of fatigue. I had never felt so tired in all my life. It was the kind of tired that wasn't going to be better after a night's sleep or even after several night's sleep.I would wake up that way and carry it with my throughout my day and then take it to bed with me to awaken the next day not feeling any better at all.  I was feeling like I was never going to be rested again and I was moving through life feeling very depressed about this since I still had to carry on somehow. I lived with this for many, many months and only when I linked a couple of experiences together did I recognize what was maybe the problem.

 

I was at work and there was a staff appreciation celebration where they were offering free ice cream. Well, who turns down ice cream! I went along with my co-workers and had a half portion of what they were offering (since I do try to be portion aware). It was delicious and within 30 minutes I was ready to sleep. And I mean I was ready to curl up in a little ball anywhere possible and sleep the rest of my shift away. The tiredness I felt was almost unexplainable.It is a tiredness that is unbearable. A couple of days later I was having lunch with my daughter at home and for dessert we decided to share in a butter tart. She had a half and I had the same. Once again, within 30 minutes I was over-the-top tired! Now, I had felt these kind of tiredness episodes before since I had been feeling this fatigue for so long, but it was on this day in particular that I put it all together and had an 'aha' moment. I connected both of these situations in terms of the sugar content in the ice cream and the butter tart. I decided then that I needed to know more about the effects of sugar in a persons diet. I know a lot about diabetes since I deal with that in my job on a daily basis, but I felt that this was somewhat different. I decided to eliminate sugar as best I could from my diet and wait to see what happens. I read and researched all that I could in terms of the effects of sugar on the body. I could tell from my resarch that sugar had to go. So all sweets were now off limits, which isn't too hard for me since my sweet tooth is not dominant for me, but there were times when a cookie might have been tasty. Remarkably I found this to be easier than I thought it would be. Partly because as I mentioned I don't crave alot of sweets and the other was the fact that I knew how I would feel if I did eat anything with sugar in it. That was enough to keep me away from it. The feeling of fatigue day in and day out was excruciating. Putting one foot in front of the other with large levels of effort because I always felt so tired was wearing me down. I needed to find the answer and this was maybe it. I have been reading food labels for years, but now was looking at where the sugar content came into play on the label. Where was it in the hierarchy of ingredients? The higher up on the radar it was, the further away it was in my diet. Fructose, glucose, sucrose, lactose, HFCS are just a few of the ingredients that I look for. I also had to look at foods that have starches that are then converted to sugar in the body. No more soda biscuits for me. The change that the elimination of sugar from my diet came to have was huge. I believe that I have a sugar sensitivity. It affects me personally in the way of fatigue and if I eat something with sugar in it now not only will I feel fatigued but I will feel crummy for maybe a couple of days. None of that is worth it. I do eat small amounts of fruit, but have stayed away from fruit juices. I have learned what to do in terms of my sensitivity and I feel very fortunate to have found my answer to all of this. I do have times where this is reinforced for me and yesterday was one of those times. I treat myself to a chai latte every now and then and did so before an appointment I had. I took my book to the local cafe and there I sat and sipped my treat. By the afternoon I felt tired and mentally flat. I had noted it's sweetness immediately but since it was my treat and I had had a latte here before I thought it was all good. To my dismay it was not. I'm not sure if they have changed something or my sensitivity was especially in high drive. I do know this.....I can't have their chai latte anymore and I looked online for a recipe that included agave. I will try it soon.

 

This discovery was a part of my journey of self-care. What do I need to do to feel and look my best? That involves many things and some that I continue to work on each and every day. Some I have a bettter handle on than others and some at times will fall into the background, while others will take center stage. It all balances out for me. All in all I know that looking after me is something that I neglected for a long time and put others first for many years. As a mother that was almost predictable, but now as a woman who essentially has only herself to look after I have no excuses to not feel and look my best. If it doesn't happen I am the only one I can point my own finger at and then move forward with what I know I need to do.

 

So, sugar is not my friend. We had to part company almost two years ago. I only miss the sweetness in rare moments.......otherwise, I enjoy the feeling of wellness much, much more.

 

Have a healthy day.

 

Blessings..............

the passing......

Tonight I was honored to sit at the bedside of a woman who's time was about to be complete here on earth. I had 20 minutes to go before my shift was over and I went to look in on her one last time. Her condition had been poor all day and I knew that her time to pass on was near. As I looked in on her for the last time I could see that her time was now very close. She had had visitors during the day who had sat quietly at her bedside, but right now there was no one with her. I could see that she only had a very short time left and felt that she should not be alone during her last moments. I held her hand and stroked her forehead in an effort to comfort her and allow her to feel my presence. In her eyes I could see a lifetime of experiences and memories. I silently wondered about her life and the woman she had been. Her breaths became slower and less frequent and finally they simply came to an end. Her hands were now cool to the touch and I could see the peace in her eyes. Her life here on this earth had come to a close and now she was taking on a new life in the hereafter. I hope that she is soaring like an angel now..........

I am very grateful for this special time that was afforded me at the bedside of this dying woman. We are not generally fond of death, but this experience was a gift. I was able to be with this beautiful human being whilst she took her last breaths here on earth and I was truly honored.

Namaste..............

the beach in february.....

the lighthouse on the pier

It is the second day of February and it seemed like an OK thing to go for a walk on the beach. The weather has been particularly mild for this area and I knew the beach would be clear of any snow making it therefore an easy walk along the shore. I drove the familiar road along the lake and within 20 minutes was approaching the waters edge. It's a little place called Port Bruce on the north shore of Lake Erie. You can go there on an early summer morning and often be the only one there or if you are a bit later you will see all the fishermen lined up on the pier waiting for the fish to bite. All in all its a nice beach with a peacefulness that I enjoy.  There are many stones that make their home on this beach and many have found their way home to our home and today was no exception. My partner also frequents this beach and he and myself have often found Shamanic holey stones here. I thought maybe I would find some today but instead I was gifted with four stones of color. One was a beach glass of beautiful green and the others were gold, white and pink. All colors of healing and I will use these in my healing work. I felt blessed to be given these wonderful gifts and thanked Spirit for them. I walked a distance along the shoreline and then began my return to the car. It was a bit brisk but it was so lovely to hear the sound of the water along the shore and also the birds that were about. I shared a message with the beach and left it to be shared with whomever came along after me.

I will remember this February walk on the beach at Port Bruce. It's not often that a person can do that here at this time of year. Blessings abound. I will leave you with my message ........

my offering

today.....

For some reason today this feels like a journal post.

My energy today began fine and then progressed into a very heavy, heavy feeling. I have had a bit on my mind today in regards to my partner's health issues but I really didn't feel as though this was the problem. I wasn't sure what was causing how I was feeling, but I felt so weighed down and so tired. After a couple of hours of feeling like this I wondered if I had an attachment and decided to work on that. I have had lost souls attach themselves to me in the past and I have been able to recognize this and then work with them to move them to a temporary place. I then work with them to have them finally cross over. It was almost immediate......the feeling of heaviness lifted and I felt so much better. Unless people are tuned into these types of things they may never realize just exactly what might be going on with them and possibly think that there is something wrong with themselves. My intuitive senses today brought to the forefront that 'something' was just not right and that is usually a clue for me that I have an attachment. I know when 'I just don't feel like myself' that something is amiss. Tonight I will assist the lost soul in crossing over and have them come to the peace they need to have.

Blessings to all...........

time again............

I'm not sure why I haven't written here in a while because there has been lots going on and yet setting the time aside to write hasn't happened. There has been alot of spiritual shifting going on for me and it is all so perfect. I can sense that more and more I am coming to a greater place of solace within myself and it feels so great. The calm and serenity that it makes me feel is something that I welcome and as much as I could wish that it had occurred sooner I have to believe that now it exactly the right time. My meditation practice is a big part of what is happening right now with me and it is providing much welcomed calm and relaxation. I am somewhat surprised with this even though I have read over and over again that exactly this would happen. My meditation practice in the past was minimal but now I see that it is an integral part of my day. I awaken in the morning and look forward to having that time alone with myself. When the morning brings with it a reason that does not allow me to begin my day that way it feels now as though something is missing. So having always heard that it is a very beneficial practice is true. Imagine that.....something having an outcome exactly as predicted. Why do we doubt these things? I guess because the human part of us springs forward and decides for us. Thank goodness I can over ride that with my 'wise self' and see otherwise. So all is good and I know that it all needed to come together right now and I am blessed in that.

I have been thinking of things to blog about and must begin a practice of writing down those ideas. I will start that tomorrow. Until then, be well .....

I love this......

This quote is from A Course In Miracles and I love all that is says and what it stands for.

“Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. I let go of grievances and choose miracles.”

all of me.......

I love to read. And most often I am reading something informational as opposed to fiction. Don't get me wrong, I like a good story, but I love to learn as I read. That to me is exciting. Reading makes me more informed and often makes me wiser. It's been this way with the current book that I am reading and one of the things it has touched on is how we as people have many layers to our personalities. It talks about 'subpersonalities' and then there is the one big personality, my 'higher self', that is my true self. The part of me that is always looking and working towards my highest good. It may sound somewhat like having MPD, but in fact all of my 'multiple' personalities are normal and not pathological. All of my 'sub' personalities are vying for the attention and understanding of the 'real me' and are constantly trying to promote themselves because of their struggle with possibly anger, jealousy, resentments or maybe frustration and yet as I learn more about me I can let these personality layers rest and not feel that there needs to be such a big struggle. It's like having an 'inner' classroom of students and they are all working toward a better grade and better me. I move along through my day and as things occur I am able to reflect on my response or action (before it even happens) and view it in a different manner now and therefore create a different and positive outcome. As I recognize what they represent, which is often the 'hurt' part of me, I am able to reflect on this even in the moment and become more whole. It's when the 'real' me is able to see the 'other me's' and help them heal. I hope this doesn't sound confusing because I think once you understand it it makes so much sense. Responding to something or someone with anger or jealousy is not something that the 'real' me would promote. I know inherently that for me it is wrong and yet this side of me wants to come out and be heard. But by recognizing this early I can change my outcome and allow the 'real' me to make my path easier and I heal those parts of me that may be fractured from past experiences. This really makes alot of sense to me in terms of who I can see that I am as a person moving through my world. Only as a 'whole' person am I able to live my best life.

I really felt a great relief when I discovered this and looked at how I could make this information work for me. I now keep my actions or responses in 'check' and look at why I was about to respond in a certain fashion. By reflecting on the emotions that the subpersonalities are prone to allows me to work toward letting them go and freeing myself from causal effects that they might have brought to me.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog post this book has been in my library for many years and I had never opened it up to read it. I believe though that right now was the time when I was supposed to select it from the many books and open it up. And I'm so glad I did.

Blessings to all......

Namaste

living well deeply...........

It's becoming increasingly clearer to me each and every day that I am the ultimate factor for the state of health in my body and mind. I've been looking at this for years and yet am only just now arriving at the place that it is truly impacting me. I can no longer look the other way and wish that my body/mind health would just 'happen'. It's just not going to be that way. I thought that I could make little changes here and there and that this would be enough to allow the shift to happen to good health all around or at least venture largely toward it. I am now learning that it's just not that way. There needs to be a total commitment to my health to have it manifest for myself. It's a much bigger picture that provides total health for us in body and mind and its a much deeper process than I realized. I love the fact that I continue to learn and can make changes that will affect the rest of my days even though I am at this point 55 yrs of age. Who doesn't want to live out their life the best way possible. It seemingly is more important to me now than when I was 25 or even 40 and I'm pleased to be in the midst of this shift of understanding.

I have done alot of research regarding stress and came to understand a long time ago that the nervous system plays a large part in our health and wellness in terms the effect it can have on our body and organs. I knew that whatever emotion we felt became a message that travelled along the nervous system and arrived at and was carried into each and every body organ that we have. We all know how our physical body responds to emtional responses. Our stomach can become upset instantly, we might get goosebumps all of a sudden, lose our appetite in an instant or a headache comes on quickly following an incident. I knew all of this and yet for me there was one thing missing that would really drive it home. What was missing for me was that all of the emotion experienced actually went all the way to the cellular level because of a cascade of actions that occur within the body in response to these emotions and determines how each cell functions. Changes occur in each cell following emotional incidents and this will steer the cell activity away from what it should normally be doing and instead take it off its course because of the invading emotion. Now, we must remember that positive outcomes occur with positive emotions, but the vast majority of our thoughts are not always positive. All of this struck me as huge. I'm not sure why I didn't 'get it' in terms of realizing that the body organ is in fact made up of cells, but I guess I just wasn't looking at it this way. It may have been a subconcious decision on my part. This does mean though that it goes to the absolute core of who we are as a human being. It doesn't get much deeper than this. The only thing that can be broken down any further is the cell itself and it will in fact 'break' if we continue with the negative thoughts or emotions. Our cells provide us with life and yet we play recklessly with how the cells function by how we choose to live our lives. What we 'feed' ourselves not only in terms of actual food but also in terms of spiritual and psychological nutrition is so important. So once again we are in large part the designers of how we move through life physically and emotionally. It's not left up to anyone else but ourselves and somewhere along the line we have determined it to be not so important because many of us live with ill health or health that is not optimal to say the least. I'm currently reading a book that spells this out in a scientific manner, but the message is loud and clear even being a lay person. The author is not only a scientist, but also a spiritualist in terms of the understanding that the mind and body are not separate entities, but interconnected with each other. She even writes about how music can help to heal the body. A quote from her book states "music, which is a patterned vibration can bypass and directly resonate with those (cell) receptors, interacting like a drug or an emotion. The vibrational frequency of the notes turns on the receptor, setting in motion all kinds of cellular activities." She goes on to say "that's how music can heal, interacting directly with your molecules of emotion to charge you with energy, get your juices flowing, and make you feel good." Wow.....I knew that music could be soothing, but now I understand how it can actually help to heal the body. And the key areas with all of this are the receptors on the cells. They are the gateway to the inner workings of the cell and so what goes in those gateways will determine how we live with health or disease. Understanding this from a scientific level just makes this so much more important to me. I simply 'get it' better now. I might have figured it out if I had really sat and thought about it, but who really does that.

It's interesting to note that I have had this book in my library for several years, maybe as many as 6 or 7 and only now have I picked it up to read it. I'm sure that only now I am able to absorb the information and once again 'get it'. I probably wasn't ready to be 'informed' before, so the book waited until I was ready. The book was the 'teacher' and I was the 'student' , all created by Spirit to work itself out in perfect timing. I love it when that happens.

I hope that you are able to live life well and be truly happy, deep inside.

Namaste......

the 'simple' life......

I'm sure I've blogged about this before but it seems to be something that is calling to be written about again. At least in my world right now it seems that way. I'm not writing out of a great need to put this into type on the computer as we sometimes need to do when we journal per se, but instead it seems to be resonating with me in a great manner lately. For myself the 'simple life' is something that I have been moving and working towards for a long, long time for many reasons. My life in the past was filled with being a single parent with lots of demands on myself and often by my own doing. This created a life which was fraught with overachieving efforts, a far too busy life day to day and large levels of stress. Did I say large?? Well, that would be more like HUGE. Sad to say (or rather 'thank goodness') my physical life began to deteriorate and I was bordering on chronic illness according to my naturopath. Funny how it occurs to me now that if I was seeing a naturopath that I did at least hold some regard for my health and welfare, but obviously not quite enough. My biggest problem was in fact my own ego and the thought process that I in fact would be someone who could live this hectic lifestyle and not be affected by it. I was sorely wrong about this. I remember sitting in her office and hearing her say those words that rang in my ears and knowing right then and there that I needed to make changes in my life. I had told myself this all before but this time was the clincher....there were going to be no more chances. It was time.

So the 'simple life' came into effect and I can say that it is something that I work on each and every day. My biggest issue was that I was in fact addicted to my former lifestyle. Yes, addicted. It's not just a matter one day of waking up and deciding to change the entire way you live your life. You have habits and patterns that reside deep inside of your being. It is almost like having to extract or remove these characteristics from who you are. An extraction might have been easier in fact. Quick and effortless and then life would be good right? No it's never that easy. I needed to change and of course we all know that change is something that we often resist or can find hard to accept. The 'old' me thrived on my previous lifestyle and somehow received silent accolades from the part of me that resonated with these now all knowing poor lifestyle choices. Yes, it's that inner rush you get from doing the impossible and yet there you stand having done it. Never looking at the damage you are doing, but just reveling in the moment. How filled with ego is it when you think that you and only you will be able to live this kind of life and get away with it not affecting you? Now, there may be others who can live this kind of life and it doesn't affect them in an ill manner, but I will predict that they have something in their life that helps to balance all of it. I didn't. Mine was all one-sided and ready to tip over.

So 'simple' for me remains to be a challenge each and every day. It may sound silly but I need to remember things such as making the effort to speak, walk and even look more slowly. I try to 'think' less quickly in terms of really understanding that which I am trying to process. Being in the present moment is one that I really enjoy in terms of where I am and what is happening right then and there. I make sure that I don't overextend myself and like to block time out for just me. I can tell when 'simple' is getting away from me because I will begin to feel irritated and my agitation meter will begin to rise. But that's my signal to slow down so I take stock and sort of rewind. All emotion ends up residing in our body and mine is no different. And of course the emotions that I am concerned about are the negative ones. I have studied the effects of stress for years and am finally applying it to myself. I know that every thought I have and each emotion I feel will express itself in my physical body. So I am the driver of all actions and reactions and am responsible for how this unfolds.

I need to sip a cup of tea and truly enjoy it. I need to look with my eyes and really 'see' all that is around me. I need to speak words and really hear what it is I am saying. I need to be with my family and really be in their presence. I need to go to my job and be able to keep a balance for myself when I am in an environment that is filled with high energies. I must make the right choices if I want to live with good health mentally, physically and spiritually. There is no more time to wait on this one. Each day is a challenge but each day I get better at creating a life that has softer edges and allows me to live 'simply'. For this I am grateful.

I hope your life can be a 'simple' one and that you can look back at the end of each day and be proud of how you chose to 'be' in it.

Namaste...........

early morning.....

I'm having my cup of tea before heading into work today. I always get up so early before going into work that I have time to do all kinds of things and most people that I let know just how early I get up think that I am completely crazy. It's just my style I guess and I have done this for years. It's such a nice quiet time for me and lets me set my tone for the day especially the days that I work. It's 'my' time for me.

 I've been struggling with feeling 'under the weather' for the last several days and by the end of my shift yesterday I was really feeling pretty tired. I came home and managed to relax for a bit and then did watch the new Oprah show with her interview with Steven Tyler. I didn't think I would make it to the end but I did miraculously. I found his book so fascinating and was interested in seeing him in conversation with Oprah.

I do feel a bit better again today and since I have today and tomorrow yet to work I will make my way through those days the best I can. Sick time at work is so largely frowned upon that you tend to go into work feeling unwell and probably prolong the entire event. Alas, it is what it has come to and I will endure. My goal is to work toward better levels of immunity and forgo any further illness at least for a while. There are a lot of 'bugs' going around presently and our family has not been exempt so I guess it was bound to be my turn with it.

Ok, so this blog has been nothing profound or notable and that's fine. Kind of like a day off. So, until next time.......smile :)

day one...........

Well, here it is the first day of the new year and I am having a cup of tea before heading into work for the day. 2012 was given much hoopla several years ago in the media and I have heard all but nothing about it over the last months. It must have just been the trend at the time to make 'hoopla' about something so the Mayan calender must have been the choice. Right now for me things will move along as they have and yet each day holds new possibilities and opportunities if we look closely and allow them to reveal themselves. This will be something that I will look forward to each day and make myself aware of the possibilities that each day holds. Even each moment, because alot can happen in even one moment. Inside of one minute you can raise a person up or bring them down. You can change your world inside of one moment. So careful thought needs to be given to each moment in time and living in the present is the key.

I hope that your year is filled with days that you choose to live well. We only have one chance to live each day the best way we know how. Once the evening is upon us our chances are almost done for that day. Don't spend too many evenings regretting your day. Spend the evening of your day looking back and smiling at how it unfolded the best way you knew how.

Blessings to everyone on this their first day of 2012.......

Namaste